Spears adds that her father in particular made comments that impacted her self-image and self-worth. “I’ve never been more humiliated and embarrassed in my life during my conservatorship,” she writes. “Yes, I do care and anyone would if you saw yourself the way I have. My dad always told me I was fat and being the heavy girl on stage wasn’t fun. It was humiliating! I had one good cover in 13 years of my conservatorship…the rest were all extremely bad! They could have at least cheated and used technology. But they used it to make it worse! Such a fucking waste of time.
“I believe all girls care and if you have ever had a guy say there’s no looking at your face—not Sam Asghari of course—you would understand how it really hurts! So I will admit I do play into how I look. I care but it disgusted me when I went to that doctor’s office because guys were there getting nose jobs! I’m like WTF. Really it’s too much!
“I am absolutely a victim to all of the societal objectifications and exploitations that women are subjected to. I have bought into myself at times. SORRY IT’S A LOT! I personally believe people can be happy whether they are skinny, old, fat, whatever. If you are happy and have good energy, you are 100% attractive! Happy people draw light and it’s contagious and attractive! God knows the secret to my success was never how beautiful I was! I believe it was a tease.
“Just a very cool energy! When my family sent me to that place the main thing that hurt me was the medicine they put me on! You can go brain dead if you take too much, that’s how strong it is! It made me stupid and sad and I gained so much weight. I felt ugly, angry and mean therefore I was just that! The manipulation behind my family’s scheme in subjecting me as if I had done something so wrong to literally throwing me away and taking all of my joy away is cruel!”
The insecurities that Spears shares are a glimpse into the emotional, physical, and psychological distress she underwent during her 13 years in a conservatorship. It seems she has been actively taking control of her body again now that the conservatorship is over through the various nude images she shares on Instagram, reminding us all that the #FreeBritney movement means she can post and share what she wants—especially when it comes to her body.